How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
