hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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