I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
