woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
