Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
