I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
