Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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