Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
