im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
