Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
