the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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