so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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