I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
