i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
