I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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