haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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