he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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