I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
