Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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