No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
