I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
