dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I deserve this hangover.
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