My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
