I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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