You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
