she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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