But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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