my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
