Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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