I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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