Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
