guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
