People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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