So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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