So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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