On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
