Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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