you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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