Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
