I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
