I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
