You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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