I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
