Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
