In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
