Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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