He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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