i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
