I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
