I wannas sexs uuuuu
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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