she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
