I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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