Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
