I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are we still banned from the library?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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