i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
