look no pants
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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