well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
