Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
