There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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