Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
