i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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