at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
