im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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