That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My feet surprised me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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