after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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