i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
