I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
