his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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