I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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