i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
