That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
