I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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