Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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