I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How's work?
Spinning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
