I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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