Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
