I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
