She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
