If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
