i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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