Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
