those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
