if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
